It’s no secret. I hate to fly.

If you’re thinking hate is a strong word, it’s not. I’d use a stronger word if I knew of one.

It’s just not natural. A flying tube thousands of feet in the air with lots of humans inside, operated by another human. What part of that sounds ok?

But in the past two years, I have come to hate flying even more. The reason… my diabetes.

Before the pump, I had to worry that my vials of insulin and needles and other various accessories (sharp objects) would be mistaken for some sort of terroristic weaponry. Most of the time, I had no problems, but on a few occasions, (one particular incident in Brazil stands out) I thought I would either be pulled into a tiny room with Frederico and his gun or simply not be allowed to take my insulin and supplies with me on the plane. Neither would have been a happy ending.

These days with my pump, I never know what’s going to happen. Sometimes I go through security without an issue, and sometimes… it’s not quite so easy.

One thing is for certain.  If there’s a body scanner, you can bet, I’ll be there for a while.

My dilemma with body scanners is this… Do I ‘fess up about the pump before I walk through, or do I just play dumb and pray for safe passage?

Playing dumb is good only if the TSA folks have no intention of making an issue of the fact that there’s something ‘concealed’ under my clothes. If they’re not going to mention it, why should I, right? If I ‘fess up before walking through the scanner when they weren’t going to make an issue of it, you can bet they will after my confession.

BUT if I don’t tell them before, and they DO make an issue of it, I look like I’m intentionally being sneaky. More terrorist-like. Essentially, it’s a crapshoot.

On our last trip to Chicago, I chose the “play dumb” option, and as I was waiting in line to go through the scanner, a very large, very intimidating, very interested security dude got my attention and asked very sternly, “What’s in your pocket?”

Dang it!  (In my head, his voice was like Jafar from Disney’s Aladdin, but I’m sure it wasn’t quite so sinister.)

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I don’t talk much on here about my diabetes.

I think it’s more that I feel like such a diabetic neophyte than anything else.

I sometimes feel guilty for even bringing it up. I mean… my superhero sister in law is battling a brain tumor. Makes my problems so small.

And then sometimes I feel guilty for not bringing it up. It’s part of me. And if I want to be a person who is real to the core, it’s something I shouldn’t tuck away out of sight.

If I ever do bring it up, I usually joke about it. I think that’s the easiest way for me to deal with any obstacle in my life.

But the truth is… it still sucks. It’s doesn’t control me, no. But it does affect my life in many ways.

So here it is. My Summer 2011 top 3 diabetic “issues”:

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I love Christmas. Of course, we celebrate Baby Jesus. But also at Christmas…. I get stuff. Really cool stuff. Once-a-year-kind of stuff. I wait for Christmas like a kid. I. Love. Christmas.

I shared one of my favorite things here. (My husband couldn’t have done better.) But I have a few more favorites worth sharing… in no certain order.

This is another one from Matt. (I’m telling you… he was on his game.) (more…)

ONE) I made Paula Deen’s Pumpkin Gooey Butter Cake on Wednesday. And it’s good. If you’d like to try it, the recipe is here. Be sure to serve it warm and with whip cream. I think whip cream is the key.

TWO) This little butterfly may not mean a thing to you, but to me… that little butterfly is a beautiful thing. I thought Matt picked up the wrong testing strips for me, but then I realized Freestyle has improved their strip. I was a skeptic. The claim was that the new and improved strip works with less blood. I tried it, and it’s (insert high pitched voice) AWESOME. I only need half the blood I usually need to test. I really love that little butterfly. (more…)

High fives all around. I got a great report today at my endocrinologist’s, who, by the way, is around my age and just a super cool guy. I love it when a doctor talks to you non-doctorly. (My blog. I can make up words if I want.)

For example, that night in February when he diagnosed me with Type 1 diabetes, I sort of needed a second to ‘collect’ myself from the news. And he very cooly told us, “It’s ok to be upset. Don’t be all tough. This sucks. I know. It just sucks. But you’re going to be ok.” Matt and I don’t know what we would have done without him through all this. (more…)

I’m just being honest. No pity required. This whole diabetes thing is not fun. I’m dealing. I’m doing. But it’s not fun.

Here’s the thing. I’m scatter-brained. I’m unorganized. I’m awful at math. Three very bad traits for a diabetic. The worst is probably my math skills. They are so scary sad. I had to have Matt check my checking of Belle’s math homework last week. AND SHE’S IN FIRST GRADE!! See, for every meal I eat, I have to figure out the amount of carbs I’ll be consuming. Once I figure that out (as if restaurants are so awesome at providing such information), I then have to dial up my shot/insulin pen accordingly. For every 15 carbs, I dial one unit of insulin. That may be super easy for you, but for me, my brain just shuts down. Sometimes I just get extremely frustrated and guess, and the consequences of a bad guess are just no fun.

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I am learning so much about diabetes. It’s mainly by trial and error. My endocrinologist cautioned me about believing everything I hear and read and to use good judgement and reliable sources. So, I am filtering a lot of what I hear. If I didn’t, I think I would be scared to death by now.

What I mean to say is that I, by no means, understand the disease yet. So many people have asked me questions about it-some I can answer and some I can’t. I’ll figure it all out… hopefully. Mainly, though, people have asked me what my symptoms were. So, I read up on some of the literature and compared it to my experience. And here’s what I came up with:

FATIGUE: I was CRAZY exhausted 24/7. Diabetics stop using glucose for fuel, and instead, use fat. (Hence, the next symptom.) (more…)

Things have been a bit crazy around our house since Thursday. I’ll try to re-cap, short-version style.

I haven’t felt well in several months. The first time I actually remember thinking, “Something is wrong with me,” was back in early November. I just generally felt bad. Extremely tired. Nauseous on and off. Just bad. But it was very easy for me to attribute it to other things, and so I tried to ignore. Then a month or so ago, I stepped on the scales and noticed I had lost around ten pounds that I had done nothing to lose. In fact, I felt like I was eating and drinking more than I ever had. I was a little freaked out, but let’s be honest… a little psyched, too.

But then there was that almost always present ‘bad’ feeling. The only way I can describe it is that I would get up in the morning and think, ‘How in the world am I going to tackle this day?’ I felt like I could sleep all day everyday and could fall asleep in any situation throughout the day… driving, reading, talking with someone. It was irritating. And then one day I picked up a tube of moisturizer and couldn’t read the writing on the back. I put on my glasses and still couldn’t read it. And then I realized almost everything was a little blurry. Still, I tried to ignore. (more…)