Green Bean Bribery
“My child will NEVER eat fried foods. Especially french fries.”
“My child will NEVER sleep in the bed with us.”
Above, please find the two DUMBEST FIRST TIME MOM THINGS I EVER SAID.
Oh, I thought I was so smart. And ahead of the game. I had a plan. A PLAN! One from which I would NEVER deviate!!
And theeeeeeeen, Belle Slaughter was born. And my resolute plan blew up in my face.
The child was tiny and had NO appetite. She wasn’t on the charts for months. In fact, she didn’t hit 20 pounds till she was 13 or 14 months.
I was desperate for her to eat, so I tried everything.
And guess what her food of choice became? French fries. Followed very closely by chicken strips.
On a similar note, since the child cried and cried and cried and cried and cried (I could go on) in her crib, I put her in the bed with us almost immediately. And there she stayed. For months. And months.
I’ll pause and say I realize some parents find that perfectly acceptable, and that’s great. But speaking as a child who slept with a parent for years, I did NOT want my own children dealing with the separation issues I had. I really wanted Belle to feel there was nowhere as safe and comfortable as her own bed in her own room. And we got there… eventually… but oh how much easier it would have been had I done what I knew was right when she was a baby.
I learned a valuable lesson with Belle about sleeping and never again made the same mistake with her or with my other kids. I stuck to my guns, and I believe because of that, we are all reaping the benefits.
But as far as healthy eating goes… I’m still a screw up.
My kids are HORRIBLE eaters. Belle still wants chicken and french fries at almost every meal and gets very upset if we don’t oblige. Again, I want her to eat, so I give in more often than I should.
Matt and I have been trying hard lately to help them make better food choices and have been somewhat successful. They almost always go for fruit instead of fries, but it’s like pulling teeth to get them to eat vegetables.
At Sunday lunch, Matt made a deal with them. (One I did not approve of, but it was too funny to stop it once it got going. It’s all about my entertainment, right?) He told the kids he would give them a dollar for every green bean they ate. Insanity, I know. Again… wasn’t my idea.
Of course I pulled out my phone to record the little scene. Estella Dru was determined to eat as many as she could to get as much money as she could, gagging or no gagging, while Belle and Jeb just got furious. They wanted money but were completely unwilling to eat and pouted for the rest of the day.
Our parenting skills need some honing, but like I said, it’s great entertainment.
Lines to listen for:
“I don’t waaaaaannnnnnaaaa greeeeeeen beeeaaaaan!” and “If you want a green bean, you got to eat a dollar.”
Did you have a “plan” before kids that blew up in your face?
Dru’s expression after she swallowed that first green bean was hilarious! I learned my lesson really quick after failing miserably on almost everything I said I would or wouldn’t do when I had kids! LOL!
I honestly thought she might throw up! That kid was determined to get some money!!!
I was such a expert on childrearing until I actually had one. My ideals have been trashed as he gets older and we’ve had more children. I now find it perfectly acceptable to give a two year old chocolate before bedtime so I can have some myself and not have to share.
HA! You and me both! “Whatever works” is my new motto!!! : )
That was hilarious! Catherine demands “dog dogs” (hot dogs) every day. So often that if it’s shaped like hot dog (a carrot, for example), we lie and tell her that it’s a hot dog.
Bribery, Ignoring arguments between the girls, laughing at temper tantrums…the list could go on and on and on of the things I would NEVER do (and do almost daily now!)