I love this picture of Grandma. It’s always been one of my favorites. She was in her twenties when it was taken, somewhere in California, and is the only picture in existence of her on a beach.
I remember when I was a very little girl, asking her, “But why didn’t you look at the camera?” And her answer? She told me she was terrified of the water and was afraid it might pull her in when she wasn’t looking. Even as a little girl, I remember that seeming like such a sad answer. She was at the ocean, a place she always wanted to see, and yet she was so afraid of it, she couldn’t enjoy or appreciate its beauty.
I realize, sometimes, that’s exactly how I approach things in my own life. I talk a lot on here about fear, and that’s mainly because it is, and has always been, the greatest obstacle I face in my day to day life. I have allowed fear to hold me back over and over again, and it’s only until recently that I have begun trying to face it head on with scripture, books by people/authors I respect, and just being very open and honest about my struggle.
How sad to miss out on life’s beauty, our ultimate life, because of fear. Websters says fear means to drive or force by frightening. I don’t want to be driven by anything other than God’s will for my life. When I’m forced by fear, I’m travelling down paths that were never meant for me. I want to be on His path, doing what He’s called me to do, and doing it with a spirit of courage, knowing He means it when he says, …
because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”
I think we all have our own raging sea at our backs. It’s so tempting to turn around and stare until it paralyzes us where we are. Believe me… if ever there were an expert in this department, I’m your girl. But I’m working on it. I’m trying to be “strong and courageous.”
Oh, and Grandma… water was undoubtedly one of her biggest fears. She was terrified of it. But on July 21st, 1985, she walked out into it, holding my hand and the preacher’s, and we were baptized, together. She was sixty-three, and it was the first and last time she ever went under water. Talk about strong and courageous… I had a great example.